When I am older I want a house with a garden with a table where I can write at. I want it to be a safe space for my children and their friends. Or at least be the best aunty ever, I want A house full of laughter and music. I want to be in love with someone who is as equally in love with me. We will dance to music in the kitchen, get wine drink, and giggle at each other. Someone who wakes me up with a kiss and tells me I look beautiful. Who celebrates my achievements no matter how small they might be. I want to be running my own business, making a difference to the world, I want to have published a book that tells younger me it’s okay we made it. I want to create my own magazine, one that the industry hasn’t seen yet. I want to have a dog and a cat. And spend my day writing poetry and baking cakes. And on the weekend I will garden, and pick the most beautiful flowers to give to my partner. I want to throw dinner parties for my friends and go for walks to grab coffee with them. We will all travel the world, eating pasta in Rome, running up to the Eiffel Tower braving a journey to Australia. We will be happy and sad and feel all the emotions because we have each other. Going through the motions of life together. And I want to end each day watching the sunset, hearing the birds sing with a cup of tea knowing I have made it finally made it.
Wow, you must be reading this thinking she is going to be so disappointed in the future. I’m not that delusional but I do have hope maybe I won’t get all of this at once. But maybe at different points in my life, I will get this. Call it delusion but I call it hope. Hope for my future, hope for life. I have hope because all that I dreamed of as a kid happened. And I know that I am making little me proud always. Little me who dreamed of a house that was safe and warm and loving. I have that finally and I am determined to never allow anyone to ever make me feel otherwise again. And that is why I have hope because I believe in me.
And when I finally go because let’s face it we all go at some point, mine may be sooner than I think but who knows? I want people to wear pink, none of this mourning, I want cake and pink, and pink gin to toast to the end of my life. Regardless if I die of natural causes or my body finally killing me off. I will know I lived a full life, surrounded by people who loved and cared for me
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