When you walk through into a doctor's office, you can get several types of doctors.
The first one is often the one we all wish for, the one who sees us as people not just patients sitting in front of them. These tend to be treated before something gets bad.
The second one is the one we are less of a fan of, they wait till things get worse, and they read your blood test results without even looking you in the eyes. They are the ones who say things "Well you can't be in pain as your blood test results are normal". These are the ones who can cost you jobs, opportunities, and relationships, and most importantly they can cost you your sanity. Some (aka me) would argue that they hold almost the same power as the gods.
The first sign of the second doctor is if you tell them about some distressing symptoms you get, they meet your eye with a smirk which seems to say "Do u though".
The next sign is if they give you a big speech about how patients except too much from doctors. This makes you wonder in your head, well isn't that your job? But out loud you nod along and say I completely understand.
Usually, it will end with a couple of different scenarios
A. you end up crying (most likely scenario)
B. they pass it off on one of your other chronic illnesses or create a new insane conclusion
C. all your positive tests all of a sudden become false positives
D. they pass u on to another specialist
E. with a sigh they agree to run some tests, "just to make you happy"
F. you get some treatment (now that is if you are lucky, you have like a 0.1% chance of this scenario)
I often will end up crying, the doctor will hand me a tissue, which always seems ironic since they were the ones that caused me to cry. This is a nightmare that has been on repeat for the last 2 years. Every appt I ever have, I get this urge to run so far away and stand in the middle of nowhere and just scream, scream, and scream until another god listens.
But instead, I lay there let them prod and poke me. Come up with wild conclusions, trial treatment, and send me for more invasive tests. I let them play their little game, playing god with my body, letting them cut bits out of me, inject me, put whatever they want in me. And there is nothing I can do about this, without being labelled difficult, so I smile and nod politely. Being a patient is having no autonomy, but being a doctor gives you the respect of a god.
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